Ask Mr. Owl
One day I was contemplating the great questions and mysteries of the universe. You know the kind; if a small town barber shaves everyone in town that doesn't shave themselves who shaves the barber? (I'll wait while you wrap your head around that quandary...) Any way, the question I'm really wanting to address now is how many licks does it take to get the to center of a Tootsie Pop? If you go to the FAQ on Tootsie Roll web site you can read their response to this question. "It depends on a variety of factors such as the size of your mouth, the amount of saliva, etc. Basically, the world may never know."
This so-called answer never sat well with me. As a young man I sat down with a Tootsie Pop determined to do what Tootsie Roll Industries couldn't, or wouldn't. I would lick my way to the center, counting all the way. Looking back with an older, wiser, more analytical mind I realized the follies of this impetuous venture. I was blinded and carried away by the temptation of knowing "what the world may never know". Alas I failed to make any of the necessary preparations regarding the perimeters of the experiment; what constitutes a lick and where is the center? These are just a few of many pieces of the vital data that I neglected to consider before even beginning such an undertaking. After realizing this, I tried to I delude myself by thinking that I was the only one to know of the faults in my experiment. Having tasted the sweetness of this knowledge I could not let it go. I continued in my self deception, even boasting of this knowledge when the topic would come up. All the while knowing that it was incomplete. Eventually what sweetness it once had was replaced by a lingering vile bitterness. It felt hollow like a half victory. The kind that only the runner-up in a hot dog eating contest could even begin to understand.
I put this behind me for "When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things" (1 Cor. 13:11). It had been years since I have heard the alluring call of the Tootsie Pop; but I'm getting ahead of myself. Allow me to take you back to that fateful day. I was one day uninterestedly looking at the candy in the candy bowl at work when I noticed a Tootsie Pop whose wrapper had unfamiliar coloring. Upon lifting it for closer examination I found it to be pomegranate flavored. "That's an interesting flavor choice" I thought to myself as I returned it to the bowl. Then I was struck, as if by a bag of nickles, I again felt the adventurous spirit of the explorers of old being beckoned by forbidden understanding [heroic trumpets and drums]. With patience and planning on my side I could rectify the mistakes of my zealous youth and gain this knowledge, which for so long had eluded me. After a few days of preparation and approximately 45 minutes of licking I can now say that I know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.
Sorry this entry seems to have taken a strange turn. I had planned for it to be an invitation to scientific collaboration but I kind of got away from me. It's already longer than I would like so I will not posting results at this time. If you would like to post your findings feel free to make a comment and if you do lick to the center of a Tootsie Pop you can print this "Clean Stick Award".
