Acceptance

I've been thinking about how people make friends. There are many books, articles, videos, and even an algorithm that breakdown how to make friends. I feel many of these deal with what goes on on the surface of friend making. I think the question ultimately comes down acceptance. Someone could understand and try to apply the principles taught by these sources but if they are not able to accept others or allow others to accept them friendship, true friendship cannot happen.

This line of thought lead me to ask myself some questions.

• What does acceptance by a group or individual or group look like?

• Is acceptance something we give or something others give to us?

• Are we accepted by group or individual if they merely tolerate our presents or do they need to want us around?

• Is is wanting to spend time together?

• Is it being invited to spend time together?

• Is acceptance comradery, spending time participating in a shared interest or goal?

• How would I feel or behave if I felt accepted?

• Does it mean that one feels safe and can be their "true self" when together?

This line of questioning lead me to wonder if vulnerability the fruit of acceptance. We need to risk being rejected in order to be accepted. This may explain why I rarely really feet accepted. I assume that others will reject me so whenever venture away from the safe shore I am always able to return.

I observe people start new friendships and can't help feeling Anton asking Vincent "how are you doing this?" in the the swimming scene in Gattaca. Vincent's response is "I didn't hold anything back".

I always hold enough back to return to the safety of my solitude. I don't allow myself to be vulnerable enough to form bonds of true acceptance. I feel like a tolerated outsider much of the time. I don't feel accepted by others because I don't allow myself to open up and be vulnerable. The value I put on being perceived as a very private person was too great. The fear and pain of rejection, even if it was only perceived rejection, are still too painful and fresh to allow others in. I always kept enough back to retreat back inside myself. I think of how often I have "let the fear take the wheel and steer".

Some people talk about putting up walls to protect themselves. I think that putting up walls calls attention to yourself and may entice others to wonder what is valuable that it must be walled in. I, on the other hand, have surrounded the island of my true self with vast expanse of water. Hoping that it is so much water that people won't even know the island is there.

Walls can be taken down, or have doors or windows added to allow others to enter or see what is inside. The island though must be left in order to be with others. What if I venture out too far and can't swim back? Will I loose myself? If I try and swim back but can't who will be there to save me?

We must venture outside our comfort zone in order to grow. The more we venture out the stronger we become and the further we can swim. Others really are more accepting and understanding than I once felt. If we are kind and genuine there are many people that will accept us.

PS. Did you think it was completely unnecessary to see the swimmer's butt crack?